New Year, new skills

It’s a whole new year.

For several reasons I really feel this year is the time to close my mouth and open my ears. Open my heart. Listen. To what’s going on inside me. To what’s happening around me. Does it feel good? Is this working for me?

Listen to what others are sharing. Sit back a little instead of taking the limelight. Take stock of myself. Stop talking and start doing - quietly. Without pomp and ceremony. Without seeking approval. Without talking about it. Only talking about it.

I plan to slowly, quietly, day by day, chip away at my dreams for myself. Just for one year. This year. x

Little helper

Just so you don't think everything is always perfect in my corner of the world, I'll let you in on a little secret.

Here's the thing: I have a little helper.

She's 3, she's adorable, she's determined to help. With everything. I'm talking handing me my toilet paper kind of everything.

E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G.

And I have to say that although I love her beyond all reasonable measures. Although she has the very best of intentions. Although I will surely miss it when this stage is gone. I need some space!

When I'm cooking, my helper stands on a little chair and has her hands near mine, grabbing, rolling, tasting, stirring, chatting. When I'm hanging out the washing my helper hands me each peg...one by one. It takes some time. When I'm having a shower my helper strips off and comes in too. And then starts washing my legs.

Yesterday I asked her if she could give mummy some space so I could finish washing the dishes she said "ok mummy" and took one step back.

I know this must seem so cute to anyone reading this. I'm sure I'll think it too in a couple of months. But right now, up close, every day when you're sleep deprived and haven't been out of the house for 10 days because your kids are sick. Well it's wearing thin.

God bless her little helpful heart.

Grant me the patience to love her addiction to helping.

Allow me to slow down enough to see the beauty in all of these moments.

But please God if I may - could I get my own damn toilet paper?

So there you have it. My little vent. Just for some balance. x

Settling in

Isabella is settling into our family well. Her big sister is delighted to have another family member to love...although she's still coming to terms with the fact that you can love lots of people at once. She told me the other day she loved little Is "instead" of me. Hmmm. She'll get there :)

At the moment we're laying low. Spending time together. Working out how to breastfeed whilst juggling a toddler on my lap. Learning to show love and attention to both our little ones in equal measure. Accepting that sometimes its hard to get that bit right. Starting to let go of toddler adjustment behaviours. Listening to others advice. Taking it on when it resonates. Letting go of other peoples expectations of me. Allowing us to just be.

To be honest, having a newborn again is more wonderful than I expected. I was prepared for the exhaustion after labour, the pain of breastfeeding, the shock of sleep deprivation and then the fog you live in until a routine is established. I know I'm only 2 weeks in...but there seem to be way more wonderful moments than challenging ones. I guess its true what they say - 2nd time is easier.

Thank you for your well wishes on the arrival of our little girl. It means alot to us. x

Dead Tired

S three weeks old

As the weeks of my pregnancy progress I find myself mentally willing to whip around everywhere visiting, organising, doing...but my body is starting to nag at me. I'm tired.

With my body starting to betray my will, I am taken back to those early days with S when the tiredness of a first time parent hit like a tonne of bricks. I'm trying not to feel apprehensive that I'm going back there again.

I'm told 2nd time around it's not such a shock and you're used to not sleeping through the night. Here's hoping... :)

As much as we love them...

We have lovely neighbours. They are everything you could ask for - friendly, easy going, happy to babysit, have a finger on the pulse of all that goes on in our court, like to catch up for Friday night drinks in the backyard during summer, she likes to go for walks at night with me to keep fit. See? Lovely.

And yet as lovely as they are...I like my privacy. We have a large back deck that looks onto their veggie patch and cubby house. It's not the prettiest view. Plus they can see me in my pj's and no bra when I'm out on the deck entertaining a toddler at 8am on a Sunday morning. It's not pretty. They've seen it.

Once Big Fella and I were discussing where our new pavers could go (in the privacy of our back yard) we heard a "good morning neighbour!" We turned to see 4 happy smiling neighbours popping their head over the fence because they'd heard us. They were surprised to see me in my nightie and slippers. Again not pretty. Again a Sunday morning.

So in an effort to save us all the unpleasantness, we have invested in some privacy. Pretty privacy on our deck. It's working. I love it.

Happy New Year

Happy new year! It's taken me a while to get back here. I can't believe it's February already...
It's been one hot summer in Melbourne and I am ready for Autumn. I love spring and autumn where the gardens transform into a spectacular display of colour. This summer we've had the longest stretch of days above 40C ever recorded. Hence the brown crunchy grass and the dying plants. It is not fun to watch your much loved garden biting the dust. Excuse the pun.

Anyway, with a new year comes new hope for the next 12 months. I was certainly glad to put 2008 behind me and am looking forward to the blessings that this year will bring. Last year I had a list of hopes that I would achieve. This year I'll pick a few I didn't get to complete, and add a few others:

> Live simply.
> Grow my own fruit and vegetables
> Say yes to the things that scare me
> Actually say no to the things I don't want to do
> Make time for things that make me happy
> Figure out my creative passion
> Care for myself before others (!) so I am better equipped to care for them.
> Be comfortable in my own skin
> Say thank you when I receive a compliment - and nothing more.
> Get pregnant with my second child

There. That should do it for this year. Wish me luck!

Yoga of the Bikram kind

I've "started" Bikram yoga classes in the past week. When I say started - I mean I've gone to 10 classes and am wondering if it's for me.

I first heard about this extreme form of yoga about 5 years ago while living in London. A colleague dropped an incredible 40 kgs in about 6 months and we were all exclaiming at how good she looked. She just looked at us and beamed "It's Bikram yoga". When we looked blankly at her she went on to explain that it's a yoga class conducted in a room heated to 39°C with 40% humidity. Sounded like hell on earth to me, and it's quite an accurate description of my first class. Sweating profusely goes against every ladylike notion ever told to me - but resistence is useless.

On my third class the woman next to me flicked her sweat on me while trying to get into the standing bow pose. I would have thought it was disgusting if I could tell by looking at my body which sweat was mine and which was hers - I was nearly as soaked as she.

It's a challenging class mentally, physically and emotionally (yes I succumbed to the urge to cry that gripped me during my tenth class. They said it might happen. Damn them - it did). But the biggest challenge is the 1 hour return trip and the 1.5 hour class which means I'm away from home for the morning or afternoon...not that great when you have a 2 year old to care for.

Perhaps I can buy the class CD on eBay? Less sweating, less travel. More crying? May work.